I don’t seem to think I will ever have an orgasm at the hand

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(My masturbation fantasies are usually that I am getting a blow job.) Any time I have tried to let a sex partner touch me, I freeze up, a lot of times tears pour out of my eyes while I silently cry, so I avoid it at all cost. I don’t seem to think I will ever have an orgasm at the hand of someone else. My question is, can you “learn” to be touched sexually, or should I just accept that masturbation is how I orgasm and find a partner who is okay with a stone butch?.

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